HOW TO BE A BETTER LOVER

Now that I have your attention.. 


We all want to be good lovers because we all want to be loved, and yet our closest relationships often seem the most challenging. Those who are single seem only to think about finding that one person who will make them feel complete. Those with partners seem enviably happy for the first romantic months, but then things get hard and they start to think of finding someone else. Some couples stay together in search of safety, and yet the passion between them has clearly died. After many cycles of hope and loss in a lifetime, some find themselves ready to give up altogether on finding the truth of love.


Why do human beings fall in love? Physiological habit, perhaps. Certainly romantic love has led us to create the greatest of music, poetry and visual art. But we are conscious beings and have been given the gift of self observation so that we may find meaning in our lives, including the way we mate, and why. To be human is to experience our hearts  offering us a means toward growing wise .


A woman wrote to me requesting a transmission on the conflict she was experiencing with the man whom she loves. The excerpt below offers universal guidance on living in intimate partnership.


For those who travel
in the depth of relationship
there are simple guidelines
that may be of service
as we awaken
to the healing
that we share
Each day
you give one another gifts
and it is in
the recognition of them
that your joy lies
and your answers
may be found
One: A lover is our partner in discovery, not an answer to our pain. We are meant to make use of the mirror they offer us, and take self-responsibility for our own joy.

Two: Our perceptions of inadequacy in our partner are ultimately illusion for the truth of each one of us is nothing but Love. We are not confined by our differences, nor is it up to us to command others.

Three: One can only authentically give to a partner from a place of our  own Self love and wholeness, and so self-healing is to be our focus, our beginning and our end.

Four: Whenever we attempt to control our partner in any way, we are simply speaking our own fear. It is beneficial to identify and release these expressions rather than act upon them.

Five: Gratitude for the truth of our partner’s love, beauty and essential perfection is the master key that opens the door to contentment.

Six: Partnership is a symptom of embodiment, not its purpose, and as such, permission to develop our own individuality creates the basic ingredients of blissful union.

Seven: Intimate partnership is meant to be expressed through all the senses. Physical affection and sexual expression are as natural and vital to our lives as breath, nourishment and rest.  When the experience of loving touch is missing, there is fear waiting to be spoken and addressed.

Eight: Anger and judgement are always our own responsibility and are signposts that may lead us to hidden grief , guilt and fear of loss, powerful tools of our own healing.

Nine: It is in the home of  the greatest love that we are free to awaken to our greatest vulnerability. It is up to us to have the courage to honour this both in ourselves and in our partner.

Ten: Love is eternal and never dies even when it is masked by the illusion of alienation, separation, or death. In this way, all marriages of the heart are forever.



Painting: The Lovers by Rene Magritte  
Sculpture: Unknown – from the backyard of a New Orleans pub, 2007
Advertisements

ETERNAL SPRING

The essence of

the season of
a coveted Spring
is renewal and rebirth
a process deeply understood
by the seeking of our bodies
as well as the longing of
our hearts

The coming of infancy
the arrival of innocence
the presence of vibrant, pale green
these are joys to us
because of their unmarked beauty
their promise and their purity
yet we so often forget
that they have been found
only through the deaths
the many, many deaths
that dear Winter
has earned
We hurry
toward the blossoms
we stretch out our arms
toward the sweet scent
the heat
of long days
pulling us out of the darkness
we feel we can bear no more
And yet
we forget to wonder
about the purpose of 
the cycles of this life
the reason
that upon this Earth
we can never leave behind Winter
in our dreaming
of an eternal Spring
It is out of darkness
that light is born
out of essential silence
that music begins
out of ignorance
that love is found
over and over again
And the human way
is to push away
our origins
to deny silence
from the moment we open
our mouths
to forget
the truths the night has given us
with the first light
of dawn

And so

be guided now
to dare to embrace
a larger understanding
of the round Earth
as she births
her newest generation
of awakening seeds
Watch her
as she breathes in
this life
and prepares
to breathe out
the deaths
that are yet to come
Celebrate
not only the dew of youth
upon her fields
but the coming harvest of loss
the weeks of aging
the months of departure
as this same breath
leaves her body
making way
for another birthing season
and another
not yet begun
We are seed
and we are fruit
We open
and we close
We are
all seasons
all darkness
all light
the brittle cold
and the damp heat
And we are the cycles
of these experiences in our lives
each one
bringing us closer and closer
to an understanding
that an eternity of Spring
is not found in her undying presence
but rather in the infinite promise
of every season
as each one reclaims us in turn
within the reach
of Father Sun
and under the tides
of Mother Moon

And so
as you step forward
into the freedoms
the joys
of this welcome
and welcoming season
open your heart
with an honest gratitude
to the blessings
of every leaf that fell
to feed the soil
that now erupts
before your hungry eyes
And to every flower
love her
not only for the passing glance
the moment
of her greatest splendour
but for the gift she gives
in her wilting
Her reminder
that Truth and balance
are inextricably linked
just as breath
expands and contracts
in a cycle of giving
through the profound act
of letting go
Eternity
is not something
that awaits
It is found
this very day
has lived in our hidden knowledge
forever
Love
beauty
joy
even as these cannot be born
without death
they need no birth
because they are immortal
They have lived in us
since the first knowledge
of our gravest shadow
our utter silence
and the loneliest
most despairing of moments
found within our souls
Discover the truth
and then the lie
of your fear of your Winters
of your dying and your Dark
and you will in this way
discover the most nourishing
the most radiant Spring
you have ever known
Seed after seed
fruit after fruit
season upon season
as the circle travels without ending
and so is never
simply begun

Plant pic by Cynthia
Dawn pic with thanks to http://www.shiftedreality.com