HOW TO BE A BETTER LOVER

Now that I have your attention.. 


We all want to be good lovers because we all want to be loved, and yet our closest relationships often seem the most challenging. Those who are single seem only to think about finding that one person who will make them feel complete. Those with partners seem enviably happy for the first romantic months, but then things get hard and they start to think of finding someone else. Some couples stay together in search of safety, and yet the passion between them has clearly died. After many cycles of hope and loss in a lifetime, some find themselves ready to give up altogether on finding the truth of love.


Why do human beings fall in love? Physiological habit, perhaps. Certainly romantic love has led us to create the greatest of music, poetry and visual art. But we are conscious beings and have been given the gift of self observation so that we may find meaning in our lives, including the way we mate, and why. To be human is to experience our hearts  offering us a means toward growing wise .


A woman wrote to me requesting a transmission on the conflict she was experiencing with the man whom she loves. The excerpt below offers universal guidance on living in intimate partnership.


For those who travel
in the depth of relationship
there are simple guidelines
that may be of service
as we awaken
to the healing
that we share
Each day
you give one another gifts
and it is in
the recognition of them
that your joy lies
and your answers
may be found
One: A lover is our partner in discovery, not an answer to our pain. We are meant to make use of the mirror they offer us, and take self-responsibility for our own joy.

Two: Our perceptions of inadequacy in our partner are ultimately illusion for the truth of each one of us is nothing but Love. We are not confined by our differences, nor is it up to us to command others.

Three: One can only authentically give to a partner from a place of our  own Self love and wholeness, and so self-healing is to be our focus, our beginning and our end.

Four: Whenever we attempt to control our partner in any way, we are simply speaking our own fear. It is beneficial to identify and release these expressions rather than act upon them.

Five: Gratitude for the truth of our partner’s love, beauty and essential perfection is the master key that opens the door to contentment.

Six: Partnership is a symptom of embodiment, not its purpose, and as such, permission to develop our own individuality creates the basic ingredients of blissful union.

Seven: Intimate partnership is meant to be expressed through all the senses. Physical affection and sexual expression are as natural and vital to our lives as breath, nourishment and rest.  When the experience of loving touch is missing, there is fear waiting to be spoken and addressed.

Eight: Anger and judgement are always our own responsibility and are signposts that may lead us to hidden grief , guilt and fear of loss, powerful tools of our own healing.

Nine: It is in the home of  the greatest love that we are free to awaken to our greatest vulnerability. It is up to us to have the courage to honour this both in ourselves and in our partner.

Ten: Love is eternal and never dies even when it is masked by the illusion of alienation, separation, or death. In this way, all marriages of the heart are forever.



Painting: The Lovers by Rene Magritte  
Sculpture: Unknown – from the backyard of a New Orleans pub, 2007
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