Transmission: a man at a turning point in his life asks.. what do I need to do to be happy?

Oct 15 08
Once upon a time
there lived a boy
who believed in love
who loved to play
His brightness was contagious
his laugher pure
and he was like a new page
after the books of
his father
and his father’s father
away from the heaviness
of their fear
and control

He was a lover of life
a teller of stories
and his clear eyes
captivated the girls
who blushed
in his presence
for he played no games
but only told the truth
that flowed so easily
from his heart
He was young
like a baby’s skin
like a newly opened flower
like bread
fresh from the oven
captured in that moment
of time
which cannot last
cannot grow
anywhere else but away
from the newness
that must be lost
We take you back
to this story
because you
the man
are unaware
of how this haunts you still
of how the purity
of this boy
was so real and true
and how much of you
was in him
and how much of you
wonders still
where has he gone
what is he doing now
and is he forever
You are now
in a time of reckoning
of examining
all you have become
Taking a close look
at the powers
you have found
the duties you perform
and the armor
you now wear

upon your journey
from there to here
something very important
has been lost
and if you choose
this is the moment
to turn your head around
and consider
what you have sacrificed
and where joy
might once again
be found
Let there be no mistake
this is not about
becoming the child
nor even
the young lad
but rather examining
the choices made
about what it meant
to you
to grow up
into adulthood
what it meant to you
to become a man
This is the place
where you took a turn
where you looked
at your world
and decided
what you must do
if you were to be
taken seriously
if you were to accomplish
all that men do

The place
where play was
was abandoned
in favour of being sensible
where innocence was lost
in exchange for strength
where honesty
was put aside
to make way for appearance
the trappings
of manliness
that you could not deny
You had no guidance
at this time
and you were so adrift
that you knew
you had to create
from your own
survival instinct
and what you saw
around you was rooted
in self-protection
so this then
you learned
this you copied
this became the new you
But what if
this child
could find a way
to express his truth
without defense
without hiding
and without the feeling
that he must frighten away
anyone who comes
too close
before there is
the possibility
of danger
and it is then
too late?

You are asked to understand
that this boy
had a right
to his wide-eyed innocence
and that there are paths
to lead him forward
that are not a complete
about face
from what he knew
That you now
have a right
to be the author
of the new you
the one who smiles
without protection
who dares
without fearing
what he may lose
It is a rediscovery
of power
that is thrust upon you now
personal power that emerges
from that same tender heart
the one you put away
to be hidden
so long ago
It is knowing
that you need not
throw away
his vulnerability
nor the strength
of your fathers
but rather discover
a new union
of the two
Our journey of trust
is always back
to that of the child
for the innocence we lose
is not mistaken
but merely tested
by the pain of our fear
And on the other side
is the greatest courage
where we walk consciously toward that
which frightens us the most
our weapons dropped
our arms
open wide
Can you name the day
you began
protecting yourself?
Can you name the ways
you hide behind
the polish that you believe
the world expects?
Can you travel to that turning point
and make a different choice
let yourself consider
the inner power
that is much greater
much more lasting
than the external power
cultivated by a man’s man
in the distraction
of pursuit?
You are so much more
than you have shown
the world
and so much less
than you pretend
You are richer than you dare to dream
and more empty-handed
than you would ever admit
It is in the discovery
of the beauty of
your emptiness
your unknowingness
your softness
and your tears
that you can find a deep
and potent foundation
for the man of wisdom
you truly crave
Your body tells you this
in so many ways
each ache
each symptom
crying for your truth
Your heart tells you this
every day
in an unspoken longing
for something completely different
from the love
you have attempted to portray
And your spirit
in explosive desire
to express and express
what has been unsaid
so very long
not in anyone else’s words
but only yours
your rawness
your unprettiness
and in this
your beauty
unlike any form
in which
you have been contained
is our prescription:
Observe your fear
and the many ways
it has learned to hide
How often does it speak
in the voice of others
the one that has made you feel safe
the one that has given you answers
until now
Consider your joy
and how it too might speak
What calls to you
that you have not
let yourself consider
what might feed you
the nourishment
you seem to lack?
Above all
examine what guides you
by what measure
do you define yourself
and your days?
What do you deem worthy
and why?
What is your purpose
in this world?

These questions may seem
both vast
and irrelevant
when you are facing
much simpler pain
and yet
they are the root
of a deep confusion
and a missing-ness
that has led you astray
for so very long
Your soul seeks
and yet your mind
does not let you wander
Your heart yearns
and yet you contain yourself
in sensible ways
Your body hungers
and you are afraid
to ask yourself
for the answer
always looking to another
to tell you
what your own instinct
might claim
Such power you hold!
Can you feel it?
Such softness you are!
Do you dare to admit it?
This is such
a redefinition of Self
that we know
you will reel
and shy away
from the whole of it
yet only begin
take one bite
of the apple
steal one piece
of the pie
lift up
one edge
of the blanket
to look beneath
at the wonders
of the unclothed truth
that awaits you
if you dare
Your process
is not about accomplishment
nor any task
you can measure
There are no
building blocks
to make a tower
No costume to wear
This is simply
a new day
of nakedness
of the adolescent
who lets himself discover
his own manhood
his own destiny
and the heartbreaking love
that will take
his breath away
Begin with the boy
and ask him
what he can teach
Then learn gently
without judgement
of Self or others
in the humility
of what you find there
The baby’s skin
the flower’s petal
the warmth of baking
that which will be eaten soon
These are promises
and you are their completion
Never again to deny
what was so perfectly

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