LOST LOVERS: Nine Ways to Return to Love

Dear Adi..

..Please help us with our ongoing arguing…   

from LOST LOVERS


For those who travel
in the depth of relationship

there are simple guidelines
that may be of service
as we awaken
to the healing
that we share

Each day 
you give one another gifts
and it is in
the recognition of them
that your joy lies
and your answers
may be found:

One: A lover is our partner in discovery not an answer to our pain. We are meant to make use of the mirror they offer us, and take responsibility for our own joy.

Two: Our perceptions of inadequacy in our partner are ultimately illusion for the truth of each one of us is nothing but Love. We are not confined by our differences, nor is it up to us to command others.
Three: One can only authentically give to a partner from a place of Self Love and wholeness, and so self-healing is to be our focus, our beginning and our end.

Four: Whenever we attempt to control our partner 
in any way, we are simply speaking our own fear. It is beneficial to identify and release these expressions rather than act upon them.

Five: Gratitude for the truth of our partner’s Love, beauty and essential perfection is the master key that opens the door to contentment.

 Six: Partnership is a symptom of embodiment, not its purpose, and as such, permission to develop our own individuality creates the basic ingredients of blissful union.

Seven: Intimate partnership is meant to be expressed through all the senses. Physical affection and sexual expression are as natural and vital to our lives as breath, nourishment and rest.  When the experience of loving touch is missing, there is fear waiting to be spoken and addressed.
Eight: Anger and judgement are always our own responsibility and are signposts that may lead us to hidden grief, guilt and fear of loss, powerful tools of our own healing.
 Nine: It is in the home of greatest Love that we are free to awaken to our greatest vulnerability. It is up to us to have the courage to honour this, both in ourselves and in our partner.

Ten: Love is eternal and never dies even when it is masked by the illusion of alienation, separation, or death. In this way, all marriages of the heart are forever.
 
Dear Lost Lovers;

Students of consciousness are quick to discover how powerful is the process of shifting our perspective.  To be human is to be subjective; we see the world through the lens of our own habits and pain. But when we are offered the gift of an experience that awakens us to how blind we can be when coming from a place of fear, it’s fabulously liberating to just let go of that bone we have been worrying all our lives and walk free of the need to control.  And there is no better school for this kind of learning than the challenge of intimate relationships. 

Our longing hearts and the romantic stories of every culture would lead us to believe that union with another is all about finding completion and joy. But vivid experience tells us that these feelings are just the bait, and once we dare to go deeper, what we encounter instead is an opportunity to discover, taste and release our own fears, as we are pulled into the realm of intimacy by the power of sexual attraction.  This awakening can feel like a terrible loss of innocence, and yet as with all shadow material, there is a pure freedom that awaits us when we find the courage to own our wounds, rather than pass them back and forth like a ping pong ball.  We can discover one of life’s greatest truths: that no one else is the keeper of our joy, and so we need never be parted from it again. And what wonderful capacity we find to love another, once we are set free from the old belief that they hold us in their power.
“Let go of everyone you cannot live without
offer them their freedom
and put an end to doubt..”
This is the future, no, the present of conscious relationships. It’s time, all you lovers out there. We have arrived. 

much love, 
ADI KANDA

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