SEEING OURSELVES THROUGH THE OTHER

A woman asks of her relationship with a man..  
Dear Adi, how do I proceed and what is our connection?
NEW EYES  
In every relationship we experience both reflection and reminder
images of the self we have yet to recognize
and polarities to the self we hesitate to claim
As we learn to embrace both aspects without judgement
we move gracefully toward the love
that has always been our birthright
that is the truth of every illusion that seems to stand
in the way
As you look to this man you see so much beauty
you see his wisdom
his commitment to the pursuit of the truth
You see his gentleness and his educated manner
and the teachings of his ancestors
as they speak through his ways
In these qualities
and in his “otherness”
the differences that surprise and delight
you are drawn toward love
almost with reverence
with admiration and a shyness to reveal yourself
You wonder if he is your teacher
your lover
or your friend
Indeed all that you see is true
all that you admire
he has nurtured
he has lived
And yet there is more
much more
than what you allow yourself to see at this time
and we gently remind you
that to love is to be human
and to be human makes way for love
and no other holds any answers
beyond those that live
within our own hearts
In your wish for comradeship
you would place others beyond yourself
In your longing to find his purity
you are reluctant to see the simple man
For he is one caught in a dance
between the desire to ascend beyond the ways
of the body
and a personal nature that indeed feels the instincts
of the heart and the flesh
very deeply
so he is both ascetic and artist
a contradictory combination
in his own eyes
In fact
there is room for great growth and resolution
in this dichotomy
but because of old belief systems
about right and wrong
purity and impurity
he struggles still
with such marriage within himself
and in this way
he is a perfect mirror for you
to show you both your own extraordinary wisdom
and the passionate heart you bear
but are afraid to reveal
In fact
the polarization that lives in him
is greater than that which lives in you
but he has come to you
as a teacher in this way
And so we ask you
not to bow down your own judgement
not to humble yourself before what you perceive
as something beyond yourself
for this will only lead you
toward disappointment
when the struggles of the ego
rise up to be heard
Learn from him
love him
but do so at the very least
as an equal
Do not attempt to extract teachings
from that which is not yet wise
Be free in fact
to be the teacher yourself
to lead through radical example
by letting your own wildness speak
and know that this is no offence
upon the sacred life
you so deeply seek
Your own passion
is both coaxed 
and repressed
in his presence
and this is your opportunity
this is your readiness 
in action
for you have met
so that you may see 
your selves 
in one another
and from this place
stand face to face
with tolerant smiles
It is in the tradition 
of the man
to never admit failure
and it is in the history of the woman
to apologize
These impulses must now
come into balance
in the recognition of your common humanity
and the perfection of your imperfections
at every turn
Find humour here
something healing to his heart
for when we let go of seriousness
we embrace forgiveness instead
and in common laughter
you will rise to a new depth 
of connection
where you are both children
and need pretend nothing
not even
to the Self
Is it not wonderful
to have found such joy
in mutual awareness
in the companionship of like minds?
Take this now
to a new level of freedom
and watch the deepening
of your possible love
Honesty above all
will tell you if the leap can be made
to be fully present
in one another’s sight
and without this
there is nothing worth having
not even the greatest teachings
not even the wisest of words
You are here for joy
and there is no other path to love
so watch
and be ready to admit
where your own heart lies
As you reveal your own secrets 
to yourself
you will see him
through new eyes
The image that came with this transmission was of a very intelligent, educated man with a sense of inner conflict between traditional teachings and a passionate, human heart, but the guides did not want to stay with him; they wanted to address you. There came a very clear directive for you to see your response to him as emerging from almost a false humility – false in that it is habitual, rather than appropriate to your relationship, or who you really are as a woman. There was also a great richness apparent in the energy between the two of you, with a future dependent upon the willingness of the ego to surrender to this deeper honesty, on both your parts.
love,
Adi

© Cynthia Long
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