HELENA’S MOON: Liberation of an Earth Angel

Tonight, behind the clouds, I am sure there is a glorious full moon. Earlier in the evening, before the rain started, I did walk barefoot along the grass by the water and felt the Earth and Moon pulling at one another, in the dance that they do.

Often I host Full Moon events, responding to the generosity of her full shape, wanting to light candles and speak the words of the guides. But tonight I sought alone time, as I turn to solitude in response to her call.

Our household surrendered a loved one to death this week. We knew she was preparing to leave, but her power and grace kept growing right up until her final hours, so now her physical absence settles deep. Her name was Helena..

Helena was a radiant, searingly intelligent and passionately loving woman in mid life. She was also schizophrenic, or so the doctors said. This was the term used to describe her experience, and at times it does help to have a name to put to the struggle.  But the label as it stands misses the point,  relating only to behaviours and denying the soul. We need to look again at this experience from a new angle, through the comprehensive eyes of our highest spiritual nature. And when we do that, we see that Helena was brilliant, open, courageous and real, without peer, although I find her special beauty to be a common characteristic of those who live with labels upon their lives.

Indeed there is a heavy price to pay for daring to embody with the high sensitivities of Schizophrenia, Autism, Asperger’s Syndrome, ADHD, Bipolar, OCD, not to mention PTSD, and so on. Where there is feeling, there is pain. Where there is life, there is suffering. There can be no joy without having tasted agony, and where there is surrender to all of these, there is healing and empowerment beyond measure.

Some “normal” folks are stuck upon the idea that differences must be “fixed”; it creates a sense of safety to compartmentalize. But I see these divergent souls (including myself) as reaching for something far beyond what most understand, poised with one foot on the planet and the other in an energetic world. They feel so acutely that they are afraid to fully embody, and are in and out of their bodies, often walking through life, one part puppet, one part puppeteer. For the Sensitives, just being here is an act of immense courage, and only those souls who hold a passionate light are choosing such a path.

Helena embodied so much light, it overflowed everywhere. She knew god, she held God inside her, she sang like an
angel and the further she surrendered to herself, the more her power grew.  A conversation with Helena was like talking through the veil to the other side, and yet, there was a flesh and blood woman sitting before you. She was at times an absolute child, sparkling with delight, demands and fears. At other times she was the sage, speaking with a frame of reference that went beyond present time and dimension. There was a sharp truth in her words always, even the ones that were so full of love they melted you, even the ones that slipped beyond. You could feel that she was telling you everything, giving you everything, and one day we would all meet in the middle and the illusion of duality would end. You could feel it ending, in Helena’s presence.

Is this a mental illness, to be too much alive, too tender, too wise? What if we were to listen instead of define? What if love really is all there is?

Helena taught me about love amongst the many parts of the self, she taught me what an open heart looks like (a rare enough sight) and that the material is dust in the wind. She showed me we can step outside of the nonsense of the physical plane and be true. That the spirit really is our eternal essence, unlimited by appearance, form, illness or death.

Some full moons ago Helena sat with us, a beautiful group of women, to honour the moon and talk of love, and we filled the top of our house with a sultry glow. Tonight the house rests, and I feel the lifting of Helena from earth to sky, raising the roof gently to stand so very tall. She is gone, and she is so very much here.  She is silent, and she sings in my ear.

Moons come and moons go in a cycle so endless that there is no point in worrying, in separating ourselves from the trust with which the Mother Earth continues to live. Once we accept the vastness of our being, we see that our Helena’s are not absent, they are before us, after us, underneath us, within us and all around us, and wherever we turn our gaze, there she will be. As we learn to pay genuine attention (her words) to what is before us, we see that by staying present with the love we have, we remain connected to the love we once feared to lose.

There is no moon to be seen tonight.  The blue black sky has given way to pelting rain upon the attic roof, and yet I know she is there. I do not need to see her face every time, to feel her power. To be with her in prayer.

I think of you tonight, sweet Helena, and thank you for your blessing.
I love you too.



EARTHING: The Power of Grounding

For several days this past week I have been taking my dog Samantha down by the lake in Toronto, removing my boots and socks and romping barefoot in the frosty wet grass for a  half an hour. By the time we are done I am relaxed, energized and my feet cuddle into the grass, absorbing a delicious, radiant heat through the soles, even while my fingers are cold inside their gloves.  I stand there soaking it in until Samantha shivers and sniffs longingly toward home. 

Did you know that our Earth is the source of powerful electrical energy that is essential to our well being and can bring back balance to our bodies, addressing a vast range of issues including back problems, sleep apnea, stress, arthritic pain and more?  When plastics came to popular use in the forties and fifties, the first place we put them was on the soles of our shoes, cutting off our connection from this vital life source. We may not even know how much we have been missing, but the solution can be as simple as taking off our shoes. GROUNDED is a fascinating documentary that details how this discovery changed the life of one man, and revolutionized the wellness of an entire town in Alaska.

After watching this film and trying the experience for myself, my question was, how can I keep enjoying these benefits all winter?  Setting up a grounding pad inside sounds great, but there is nothing like touching the Earth itself. So I’m planning on trying “snow walking” this winter, wearing two layers of wool socks.  Wool is a fine conductor, and apparently keeps the immediate chill off your skin.  I’ll let you know.

Another alternative is to keep your boots on but place a bare hand on the trunk of a tree. Wearing woolen mittens or leather gloves works too, but no synthetics. My experience so far is that trees emanate their own kind of charge, also beautiful and powerful, though quite different from what I get from grass and soil. It will be interesting how the neighbours will view my new interest; there goes that woman again, the one who slides around in the snow with socks on and occasionally cuddles trees.  My feet can’t wait for spring.

love Adi

Readings Available Worldwide


DEAR MR. FORD – A Love Letter

Dear Mr. Ford

We want you to know that we forgive you
love you
understand that you have your own pain
We want you to to know
that you are as worthy of compassion
as any man
any hungry soul who reaches
for a special walk in life
a feeling of importance
that calls out his name

We want you to see
that you have been swimming
in a political sea
where children are not safe
where tongues are forked
where truth is lost every day
as the wheel turns over and over
and men are afraid to admit the falseness of their pride
afraid to let go
and jump off
onto the dusty ground

We want you to know
that we realize you went searching
for a reason to belong
that you wanted to be someone
in the eyes of the world
You longed for acceptance
just like any child
and for awhile you felt it
even as the wheel turned

We want you to know
that we do not blame you
because blame only pushes the knife deeper
into a wound
that was long ago sustained
Blame simply spreads the pain around
too great to be held inside
the voice of fear and denial
as it lies
about the lies

In fact we want blame to be removed
from our schools
our governments
from our courts and prisons too
we want you
and all of those
who spin the wheels
to wake up to this fact
that we cannot heal
so long as blame
is king

We want you instead
to do something unheard of
and take the place you have made
in the public eye
to tell the truth
the whole truth
nothing but the truth
to cease your walk of Pretend
and admit that you know nothing
except your own fallible humanity
which is all any one of us can know
and then
in all your weakness
let go of the wheel
and jump off
jump off
before it is too late

We want you to witness

the little boy you are
and stop dressing him up
because the truth is
this emperor wears no clothes
and all the other little boys
all dressed up
to play a game that must conclude
as the world awakens
as the wheel wobbles and churns
preparing to grind
to a stop

And when you fall
and you join us
the many waiting children who wish only
for our beautiful world to rise
When we meet face to face
covered in the good dirt of the Earth
and you see us clearly for the first time
and you weep
and you beg to be loved
just the same

we will continue to forgive you
we will mend your broken toys
and teach you to begin again
in a land of modesty and compassion
in a humble awakening
for all of the many, sad little boys
their true hearts in hiding
just like you
and yours

So please
Mr. Ford
we ask you
and any other would-be emperors
who are deciding on what to wear
feel our forgiveness
feel the permission we offer
and let it empower you
to do what your soul is asking of you
and get off the spinning wheel of Pretend
because the day has come
when the children will gather
and our love
our strength
our hands joined in power
will put it all
to an end

We truly love you Mr. Ford
May the new day


SERVICE: Selflessness or unconscious need?

Dear Adi

It hurts me so much to see those whom I love suffering, but often when I reach out to help, they resist me and seem to cling to their troubles, and I only end up depleting myself.  How do I truly serve?
thank you, Self Less 

The Source is your teacher
and the only guide you need
Source as divine essence within you
and your own wisdom as it speaks..

When you carry a pattern of saving others
perceiving your source of love as a place
where you are appreciated
for your care of those in need
your Love is true
love is always present
but the root of your desire is your own need
your own doubt that you are worthy of love
regardless of what action you take
This is true of every pattern that guides us
we cannot act from the unconscious voice of our own wounding
and expect healing to take place
Instead we invite a reflection
of our own resistance
and it will be given
in the absence of joy

Before any action
learn to delve with deep honesty
into your own needs
Learn to express to yourself
what it is you seek
Recognize that by focusing upon the pain
of those whom you love
that is what you invite into your experience
and theirs
You need their pain
to give you a role to play
to enact your own suffering
as one who must save others
or she is not loved

When instead you learn
to feed your own joy first and fully
and approach others
with the knowing that they too
can step into their own relief
and transcendence
then you bring a very different energy
into the exchange
You are not attached to their response
for their path is of their own choosing
and you remain in your own joy
as a model to them
that all life is beautiful
even in moments of challenge
and that struggle is always found within the self
for our paths unfold in perfection
at all times

Awaken to your own pattern
of needing to take care of others
and you give them permission
to stop needing you
You set them free
as you set yourself free
and a new, profound love is accessed
from a place of trust

It is said
the lighthouse does not chase down ships in trouble
but simply stands
shining its light

For those with care-taking patterns this lesson can be the hardest to learn, but is incredibly liberating once embraced. Often it involves turning against the teachings of religious and cultural sanction for service as a singularly holy path, and awakening to the very humbling realization that our desire to be of service is often rooted in our own need for validation and love. When we take action from this place we only bring imbalance into a situation, and our true love remains hidden beneath our own pain.  Our own unconscious suffering is seeking visible suffering in a search for a lost sense of self.  We simply cannot find a joyful solution when we act out of our wounding because our choices are rooted in the history of the pain that brought us here.  And so we give much more to others by staying home and loving ourselves, until we are genuinely nourished and stable enough to give from a healthy place. It means we will face feelings of letting people down, of failing, of being irresponsible or worse.  These will all come up to test us, as the voice of our old fears.  And yet when we say no, when we no longer try to give what we do not have sufficient to share, we not only empower ourselves but those around us, as they learn to discover their own resources and heal from a vision of plenty rather than lack.  We are all worthy of love as a birthright.  We are enough, without giving ourselves away.

much love,

Readings available worldwide.

Photos by Katerina Bodrunova


Transcription of a received transmission on Human Sexuality:

There is a reason for sexuality, a reason that far surpasses the understanding of most on the planet today. It is so much more simple, and yet much more vast than the perspectives your teachings have touched upon until now.

We live at a day of dawning, the beginning of a new time. Those of you who have chosen to incarnate in physical form at this time are so blessed. You are honoured to be present. You are brave to be present. You are welcomed and there is great gratitude for your courage. Those who are in physical form and those who are in non-physical form are working together in a great union; a union that grows every day. And there is so much desire for your joy and for your awareness to begin that there is no need for the level of suffering that you experience. That suffering is malleable; it is dust, it is easy. But your fear of it is not. And part of the reason for the gift of sexuality and the challenge that you face with your sexual natures at this time is because of the placement of the energy where it lies within the body in physical form. And we focus on humankind because of course you have the gift of consciousness. So tonight we address how you may make use of your consciousness to shift the experiences that you have with your sexual nature, and with the powerful, glorious energy that exists all over the planet fueled by sexual love and desire.

The chakra system is one that reflects expressions of energy in physical form. It is a beautiful design, very accurately conceived to demonstrate how our bodies manifest the vibration of particular energies in different ways, in different places within that physical form. The first and second chakras are extremely close. They cuddle together, they live in the sacred, secret place, protected by the pubic bone, cradled between the legs, beneath the skirts, within the pants, under the diaper. Always protected, always a subject of fascination and/or modesty.

Our first chakra, the system of elimination by which we release the unwanted toxins from the body, is where our survival fears live. It is where we are connected with the earth. We walk with our feet, but we feel the Earth with our bottoms. It is the base of the skeleton system, the spine and the root that holds us in our bodies. It is possible to be so out of body that our feet barely touch the ground. And yet it is not the job of our feet to connect us, it is the job of the first chakra to bring us down to earth and to keep us here. And to say Yes, we are in physical form and Yes, physical form can be coarse and brutish and unattractive and painful and dark; it decays, it betrays us, it hurts us… and eventually it leaves us. It is a gift that does not last, for from the moment we are born we begin to die. There is a reason that the second chakra, the heart of our sexual desire, lives so close to this place. And it is because our purpose here on this Earth is not suffering, it is not to conquer suffering, it is not to alleviate suffering. It is to be in joy.

The experience of being in human form and discovering divine sexual union with another is an experience of divine bliss. There is no greater bliss state available to the vast majority of  people that are alive on the planet today. Even for those great yogis and yoginis, even the ones who have spent years in meditation. There is a piece that they miss when they sever themselves from the physical experience of allowing the pleasure centres in their body to awaken and to express. Without the allowance of this joy in our lives it can be very difficult to find a reason to remain alive. And so our sexual energy is not simply an aspect of procreation, it is an aspect of co-creation, of our willingness to be on the planet at all. It is part of the bargain, when we say ‘We wish to be here, we wish to embody’. We do this with the understanding that pleasure is our birth right. And it is. There is no reason in existence for this to be denied other than fear. And so when we look at the thousands and thousands of ways that sexuality is denied on the planet, we must understand and accept that we are looking at the thousands and thousands of faces of fear. And what we are afraid of is beauty, delight, union, pleasure, joy and the permission to feel all of this, to experience all of this, to recognize that this is in fact our true nature. Nothing less.

And so how can an expression of passionate, powerful, divine joy not be threatening? In fact it must be the most frightening experience we can have, because, within the context of our self doubt and self hatred, it feels too good to be true. Some of the ways that this fear is expressed fall into a simple category of denial and repression. It is an understandable response we have, when we don’t believe that joy is our birthright, when we experience it spontaneously in the body as all children do. All children are sexual. They feel their sexuality from the moment they are born, even before this, as they float in the safety of their mother’s womb.

But when there is a belief system and a history that is carried forward on the cellular level that is fear-based around the deserving of joy, then from the very early expressions of sensual sensation there is an immediate response that this must stop, this is unsafe. It is not just unsafe – it is dangerous. Sensual and sexual pleasure hold danger unlike any other danger that can be found. And when there is a history of this level of fear carried forward on the soul level for lifetime upon lifetime, the fear of sexuality, the fear of pleasure, the fear of opening and awakening becomes greater than the fear of death. It’s greater than the fear of hunger and survival. Greater than the fear of being alone. And so it overrides all of these other fears. And when this impulse for repression exists it will blank out all aspects of life, because the fear of joy is so great. So in this case we witness this in cultures where there is a masculinization of this fear, because those in male physical form have carried physical strength. They are beings of action. They are beings of movement. And when they experience the depth of this terrible danger that the pleasure can be, it must be controlled. And it is controlled in the self through religious practices, and it is controlled  in the other by the denial of all feminine energy, the source of desire, the source of danger. And thus we have powerful imbalances that are found in some of the most ancient cultures on the planet, because this fear has been nurtured and rebirthed so many times.

Please understand this is not a fear that is owned by men and imposed upon women. This could not be further from the truth. It is difficult to understand when we observe a level of brutality that is enacted upon those who have embodied in the feminine form, as still exists in so many cultures today. It is very difficult to watch this happening and not be forced into a stand of accusation toward those who play the role of the oppressor. But it is a fundamental universal law that we are utterly connected in our bodies, in our energetic exchanges. We are absolutely One, and for every oppressor there is a victim, and for every victim there is a persecutor. There is no possible healing of the one without healing the All. This is not an easy concept to understand, it’s very difficult to absorb because there is such a long history of victimization, particularly in the war between the genders, in the war that has been acted out in the arena of sexuality. It is not uncommon for torture to be focused on the genitals, because this is the ultimate expression of fear of pleasure, to create pain, where sensitivity is greatest, and pleasure has been given as a birth right. There are those who hold sexual practices that are focused upon pain. And this is not because they enjoy pain, it is because this is the only aspect of pleasure that they can now allow themselves because the fear of pleasure is so great. It is awakening a numbness. Pain is better than numbness. And numbness is an epidemic on the planet today. Our numbness to our sexuality is a reflection of a very, very deeply buried fear. It is a fear that is on a level of unconsciousness. Cannot be seen. Cannot be welcomed. Yet.

For those who are experiencing an inability to allow their beauty and their joy, in their sexual natures, if there is an expression of emotional pain, this must be expressed. This must be set free, because it is not until the release of the closed heart, that the numbness can begin to lift. First numbness rises, then pain is revealed, then pain mends and then pleasure is allowed. Delight is allowed. Bliss is allowed. And so as we begin to correct the immense levels of suffering that exist in the betrayal of our sexuality, women must realize that they hold their own power, they hold their own joy, and that it is in this awakening that those men who run from them in fear will stop and turn and see another way. The women must not wait for the men. The women must not be afraid of the men. And the feminine must be given voice for both those in female body and those in male body. It is a wave of impulse that is moving across the planet right now. It is in everyone present in this room. And by feminine above all we speak of the receptive nature of our sensual, sexual, creative selves. When we receive, we do not push, we do not force, we do not command and we do not control. We allow, we gratefully, joyfully allow. And this is the most powerful form of creation that exists. In truth it is the only form of creation that exists. A woman does not force a baby out of her womb. She surrenders to a process that is much greater than her conscious mind. This is the energy that is sweeping a planet, and it is in each one of us and it is showering down upon us tonight in the waves of the moon.

We will experience these energies differently if we are in female body or if we are in male body, but the essence is the same. And for some, the nature of the genitalia is no indicator of the energy within. It is important to understand what this will feel like, what this can feel like inside each one of you. To awaken to the feminine can mean enacting what we consider to be traditional feminine experiences. It can mean allowing beautiful things, feminine expressions, beautiful ways of wearing the hair, a way of walking, softness in the voice, and allowance of the voluptuous nature of the feminine form. It can mean these things and it often does mean these things because this is the way in according to our belief systems and our cultural nuances. But it does not have to mean these. What is more important is to awaken the feminine and allow the feminine energy in and in particular, allow it inbetween our legs. It means to receive. It means to deserve. It means to welcome. It means to stop pushing away what we really want. And it means to surrender to the fact that the very things that we need and want the most, exist for us right now, and that any resistance, any distance we create between them is in our own power to correct through the act of surrender.

We often associate the word ‘surrender’ with sexuality and this is because to achieve our divine connection, our divine sexual connection, we must surrender. We do not manipulate and we do not apply divine sexual energy, we surrender to it. It comes through us. It moves us in ways that we know nothing about until it happens to us. And so this aspect of the feminine is what lives in every woman and man. And this is greatly mistaken upon the planet. It is a great confusion. There is a beautiful attempt to express it and we witness so much confusion among genders. We witness men who struggle so deeply with understanding what it means to be masculine because they are feeling so strongly the desire to allow their feminine natures as well. And the truth of the matter is that when a profound feminine energy enters a man he becomes more masculine, if he is in masculine body now. It is his willingness to surrender to his true nature and his receptivity that allows him to rise up, it allows his phallus to rise up, it allows his heart to open and it allows him to stand with both feet firmly planted on the ground. And he does not need anything, any permission to find this, because it is within himself. He does not need a woman to behave in a certain way or to look a certain way to discover it within himself. It is there for his own access, his own allowing in the act of surrender.

For a woman, virtually every woman who is embodied in feminine form is walking with a history of victimization; this is the most appropriate word. And yes, she has earned this, she has lived it, she has known it and it has been real. But we are in a time now, of liberation from this. And it is impossible, it is universal law, it is impossible to actualize, to stand in your power, to embrace your bliss and your joy if you are walking the role of one who is or has been a victim. If this is still in your heart, you cannot be who you are. And even more, you cannot give to others. Any attempts to give to others will come out of your own place of need. So this must be addressed, and so when a woman welcomes the energies of the moon, when she feels this electricity entering her body, again it is a permission and surrender to receiving. She is enough. She is enough. She is beautiful in her essence, in her core. She does not have to look after anyone, she does not have to give anything to anyone, she does not have to wear something, she does not have to get down on her hands and knees. She does not have to cover herself up, she does not have to strip her clothes of. She does not have to do anything, because it is in her inner stillness that she will discover, that she will find a permission to receive. And when she lights that fire, everything around her will respond. She will be radiant and in her radiance there is no man that can resist her, and no woman either. There is no experience that will be turned away. There is no danger because she is complete within herself. And she will be atuned to her own intuitive nature. Because our intuitive selves are also our feminine selves.

So picture now: we have a man embodied in masculine form, we have a woman embodied in feminine form, and they are in union. They meet. Visualise them both simultaneously in

surrender to their divine natures. See them without victimization, without desperation, without a need to control, without a need of any kind, because they have everything within them. See, with your mind’s eye, see how they vibrate, how they glow, and feel that energy and that connectivity, because that is true sexuality. It is pure. It is a pure, hot, white light. It is not red, it is not black. It is not fishnet stockings and garters. So many of these associations that we have with sexual arousal are simply aspects of fear and repression, because when we push something away, it becomes forbidden and it takes on whole new face, as of course we want the most what we cannot have. That is our experience of the greatest polarization. For these two beings of light in their union, their union can be anything, it need not be coitus, their union can be a simple transfer of energy, can be a looping of energy that travels from root to crown and back. And that level of beauty can heal every illness, every heartbreak, every loss, every war.

Our journey toward accessing this level of understanding must begin with a depth of honesty about where we are now. It begins within ourselves, with the willingness to look deeply at our own fears, to identify them, to name them, and to express them. To paint them, sing them, to shout them, share them, to write them, to find whatever means we can, to dance them. Because it is through expression that they are set free. And through expression that they come to be recognized. As we share these experiences, we take the dark power away. Fear only holds power over us when we let it, when we see it as such. When we laugh in its face it must go, and then we are left with our essence, our essential selves.

It is also this expression that will begin to make the planetary shifts more visible. And so for those of you who have the ability to share what you know, to share what you feel, to share  in humility your humanity, if you have this, please do. I promise you there is someone waiting to hear what you have to say. When they hear it, it will help them find their own courage. If one woman goes home and writes the truth of her fears, about her willingness to allow joy and pleasure into her life, if she writes those down, that will send out the vibration that will touch women who lie in prisons in Afghanistan, Iran, Mexico, North Korea, and, and, and… We are one. You are One.

We touched briefly upon the polarity of religious fundamentalism in extremism. The other polarity is something very common in the west, which is a pseudo sexual expression. We describe it as West, but of course it is spreading around the world. For those who live in a culture that is touched by modern technology, you are touched by this falseness, it is impossible to avoid. And again the answer is awareness, the answer is truth. Sexuality in its pure form has very little to do with material

expression. When we awaken, this energy transforms the physical. The physical becomes beauty. Not the other way around. And so please walk with awareness of the many, many ways that denial and fear ask us to judge ourselves, to deny ourselves, and to limit our allowing of our divine right for joyful expression and sexual surrender. Sexuality begins from birth and it transmutes at death. It is an aspect of physical expression, and at the point of leaving physical form it rises into an energetic expression. There is no counterpart to physical sexuality in the non-physical, because sexuality is divine, non-physical energy brought into the physical. It is here to give us a reminder everyday of our divine natures. And when we sever it from our lives we cannot help but sever our divinity and our blessings.

In your search for the middle ground, for the place of truth, know that it lives within your blessed, felt spiritual essence. Whenever you are in doubt, whenever you are in confusion, whenever you do not know how to be in relationship, in your physical form, in your manner of dress, in your sexual experiences, come back to the heart, come back into the radiance of the body, come back to the pure beauty that lives in your essence, and start from that place.

In such an honouring, you will greatly assist your confusion to lift, and allow yourself to reconnect. If at all possible, do this with your partner, do this with a partner, because sexual and sensual expression that is rooted in your divine nature is always a blessing, always an opening and a powerful antidote to the separation, loneliness and heartache that is so much a part of the lives of many today.
Transcription by Martyna Machnica. 

Readings available worldwide


There is a warm nest
safe from harm
where nothing is asked of you
You float like a fetus
in a state of being only
no doing at all
Your nourishment comes without thought
the Mother provides all
your life force
joined with hers
You do not ask her to breathe for you
or to eat
She does so
it fills her up

There is no fear here
within her womb
only an act of creation
of blessing
of impending birth
This now
is your home
you are born again
through absolute surrender

and begin…