SERVICE: Selflessness or unconscious need?

Dear Adi

It hurts me so much to see those whom I love suffering, but often when I reach out to help, they resist me and seem to cling to their troubles, and I only end up depleting myself.  How do I truly serve?
thank you, Self Less 

The Source is your teacher
and the only guide you need
Source as divine essence within you
and your own wisdom as it speaks..

When you carry a pattern of saving others
care-giving
care-taking
perceiving your source of love as a place
where you are appreciated
for your care of those in need
your Love is true
love is always present
but the root of your desire is your own need
your own doubt that you are worthy of love
regardless of what action you take
This is true of every pattern that guides us
we cannot act from the unconscious voice of our own wounding
and expect healing to take place
Instead we invite a reflection
of our own resistance
and it will be given
in the absence of joy

Before any action
learn to delve with deep honesty
into your own needs
Learn to express to yourself
what it is you seek
Recognize that by focusing upon the pain
of those whom you love
that is what you invite into your experience
and theirs
You need their pain
to give you a role to play
to enact your own suffering
as one who must save others
or she is not loved

When instead you learn
to feed your own joy first and fully
and approach others
with the knowing that they too
can step into their own relief
and transcendence
then you bring a very different energy
into the exchange
You are not attached to their response
for their path is of their own choosing
and you remain in your own joy
as a model to them
that all life is beautiful
even in moments of challenge
and that struggle is always found within the self
for our paths unfold in perfection
at all times

Awaken to your own pattern
of needing to take care of others
and you give them permission
to stop needing you
You set them free
as you set yourself free
and a new, profound love is accessed
from a place of trust

It is said
the lighthouse does not chase down ships in trouble
but simply stands
shining its light

For those with care-taking patterns this lesson can be the hardest to learn, but is incredibly liberating once embraced. Often it involves turning against the teachings of religious and cultural sanction for service as a singularly holy path, and awakening to the very humbling realization that our desire to be of service is often rooted in our own need for validation and love. When we take action from this place we only bring imbalance into a situation, and our true love remains hidden beneath our own pain.  Our own unconscious suffering is seeking visible suffering in a search for a lost sense of self.  We simply cannot find a joyful solution when we act out of our wounding because our choices are rooted in the history of the pain that brought us here.  And so we give much more to others by staying home and loving ourselves, until we are genuinely nourished and stable enough to give from a healthy place. It means we will face feelings of letting people down, of failing, of being irresponsible or worse.  These will all come up to test us, as the voice of our old fears.  And yet when we say no, when we no longer try to give what we do not have sufficient to share, we not only empower ourselves but those around us, as they learn to discover their own resources and heal from a vision of plenty rather than lack.  We are all worthy of love as a birthright.  We are enough, without giving ourselves away.

much love,
Adi

Readings available worldwide.
http://www.adikanda.com
http://www.cynthialong.ca
info@cynthialong.ca

Photos by Katerina Bodrunova
http://www.theoryofcolour.com

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