Sex: Sacred or Sin?

Sex: Sacred or Sin?

It is said that our greatest pain must come from those who love us the  most – precisely because of the love, not from any lack. If we can learn from this, then perhaps intimacy is our most powerful teacher and worthy of the suffering it engenders. In this way, our deepest shame comes from that which may lift us to the greatest heights: our sexual nature.


Sex is a most Divine gift and yet we have been taught over and over, in culture after culture, age after age, that it is also our greatest sin. We fear sex. We become addicted to it. We sell it, we lie for it. We inflict it as an attack upon those who do not want it at all.

We withhold sex as punishment from those we once seduced. We hunger for it when it is absent. We tire of it when it is present too much, or too easily. We use it at times to lie, to betray, to insult and to condemn. At other times it becomes the most heart-breakingly pure expression of love the body can bear, and we are astonished; we are One with pleasure; we sip a tiny taste of liquid god.

We remember moments of sexual memory that are as fragrant after ten years as a rose picked yesterday. And yet we also manage to forget so many profound and truthful moments after the fact, after all the surrender is done. We come to our sexual energy as children, and yet it is hidden from us and denied. We insist it is dangerous and only for adults, and yet adults know nothing, and in their sexuality, behave like children their whole lives long.


We fabricate it and by so doing, fornicate with it, because we make it a prostitute, when it was intended to be our graceful, blissful lover. We hold it up in awe, and we revile it with nine tongued whips upon our backs. We deny it to ourselves as the darkest sin, and then we are expected to be ready to give it as the ultimate act of love.


We whisper about it from behind cloaks of murderous shame, and then we grieve the ignorance of our children when it is their turn to love. We judge others for it and then sentence them to banishment, torture or bizarre deaths, because deep, deep within us, we judge ourselves with such a merciless eye that it is too painful to look, and so we content ourselves by building doctrine that tells us to cover ourselves, to run from the garden and be ashamed of the natural joy that so desperately yearns to be expressed and welcomed home.


We want to be without thought like other animals, to step away from the control of daily life and tumble together like dry grass in a wind. We want to forget all wrongs and know that this holy exchange of scent, skin, eyes and heart is a blessing, a heavenly blessing, and so should we not do everything in our power to give it a joyful, proud, respectful place in our lives?

Should we not be more concerned about the practice of organized killing that is such a large part of the human world, and less troubled about images and tattletales about two people making love? Should we not recognize that our dark sexual experiences are the result of dark sexual beliefs, and not the other way around?


Should we not consider that our sexual natures offer a significant clue leading to the great truths of our hearts and that without full body, full mind and full spirit loving, we are denying chance after chance to uncover more wisdom than we had ever thought?


Like any appetite, sex calls us to fulfill a hunger for a reason, to feed us, to nourish us, to help us grow. And as we come to know the exchange of energy that burns within us when we are open to fully connect, then we see, we finally see that we are nothing but this energy and we can shape it, build it, sustain it, and offer it utterly to goddess and god.

And this, to tell you the truth, is the reason we have sexual impulses at all. The reason for yin and yang, x and y, socket and plug. We are meant to join because we do, in a profound way, complete one another in our union. Not because we are broken when apart, but because together we are given the chance to come face to face with ourselves over and over again. Understanding because we attract. Learning because we repel.


And oh the coming and going, the in and out, the back and forth. Oh how the motions of it all hold us entranced as we love and lose, and love and leave, and then long for love again. We are unhappy in withdrawal and then unhappy in deep embrace. We blame our pain on the other, and then we thrust and parry some more. But we cannot stop. We do not stop, unless the fear overcomes us and then we bury, we crush, we anesthetize, and miss what could have given us life until our last breath.

To love our sexual essence is to love our most profound creative gift, our deepest vulnerability, and claim our greatest joy on Earth.


Isn’t it perfect? Isn’t it time?

much love, Adi

Twelve Commandments for times of crisis, trauma and growth.

Twelve Commandments for times of crisis, trauma and growth.

Our Mother Earth is shifting, spirit is rising, and we are all experiencing intense energies which push our fears out of darkness, into light. Crisis looms, and our strength is tested. There are nights when the darkness is enveloping, when we feel so alone, when the future looks hopeless and we lose sight of possibility. It may be the passing of a loved one, a rejection by a lover, a lost friendship or bad news about health or money, but at times we are asked to face painful circumstances that can take us on a downward spiral into depression and despair. Here are twelve potent suggestions of what to do in the weeks, days and moments when your inner resources seem depleted and your heart too tired to make it till morning.


What Do I Do Now?

  1. We are here to let go of our fear and learn to trust, and that trust must be blind. You may not see the answer to your question or the end to your pain in this moment, but that does not mean it doesn’t exist. Even on the darkest of days, perhaps especially in the darkest of nights, you are safe, you are loved, you are where you are meant to be.
  2. All suffering is rooted in a perception of lack, and often if we look deeply enough, it is ourselves we find lacking. When we lose a loved one to death or a lover to disinterest, what we grieve the most is our sense of the Self we once were, in relation to those whom we have lost. Know that you are beautiful and perfect in all your evolutions, and any other thoughts you have are the illusion that leaves you like a mist off a lake as you mourn. Surrender and soften beneath any self judgement till you let the grief, rage and shame find a voice. Weep truthfully and plentifully, or laugh until you do.
  3. There is nothing more important right now than nurturing, feeding, healing yourself. You can only fulfill your soul’s purpose and authentically serve others to the degree that you have liberated your own health and joy. Know that anything that gets in the way of of your well being is a distraction arising out of the fear that you are not worthy of time, space, tenderness or peace.
  4. Bring your attention to silence for it is out of deep silence that the truth may be heard, and the truth is all you really need to feel safe again. Listen closely, and you will find it.
  5. Peace does not happen by accident, it must be claimed. Remaining in self denial may seem temptingly safe, but it will trap you in habits of suffering. The courage to speak out loud in honour of your own healing, your own right to peace must be found.
  6. Your creative Self is your power. It is not a guilty pleasure but the essence of your future. Becoming conscious of how you are creating everything is the most important act of your days and nights. You will conquer and heal with your art, whatever it may be.
  7. Love is the answer to fear. Your body cannot hold both at once, so when you open your heart to a full warmth, to love and be loved, fear is banished. This can be a conscious, creative, daily exercise, or it may be invoked through meditation and prayer.
  8. Designate specific, protected time for silence, creative work, rest and being in nature. Set up a means to concretely implement a structure in your days, one that will hold you to this nurturing routine.
  9. Allow yourself joy, fun, play and laughter. These still exist in you and are always accessible, even in times of stress, loss and anxiety. They can make the difference as to how you navigate crisis, and they are the balance to the pain of life. Invite them as much and as often as possible, without apology.
  10. Honour your physical body as a gift. Care for it as you would a beloved.
  11. Look around you and let yourself witness the blessings you have, in this very moment. Love them. Use them. Acknowledge them. Be in constant appreciation and you cannot help but invite further blessings to unfold.
  12. Remember this material life truly is a piece of theatre and once liberated from it, you will look back upon the costumes and the illusion and find that beneath it all is an immortal, encompassing Love.

My favourite of these  to consider is that inviting Love is the answer to Fear. It is easy to be stubborn, to refuse to allow Love in when we are afraid, grieving, or raging in our hearts, and yet when we do, walls fall down and arms open, including our own.

My favourite of these to implement is to remember that my creative self is my power. So with that in mind, I am off now to work on a new song I have in progress, or perhaps start a new painting, or meditate my way through some yoga. It’s a tough choice, amongst so many possible sources of healing and renewed joy.

In honour of the power of our art to heal, here is a heart-opening tune of sweet homage called Your Love is Beautiful, by Ashley Condon.

Picture 4

much love, Adi

GIFTS: On Perceiving and Communicating With Other Realms

GIFTS: On Perceiving and Communicating With Other Realms

The day the first transmission came through my pen in January 2000 changed my life forever. Before that day, I was a writer. I had always been a writer and I suppose I always will be a writer. I have little choice in the matter; there is too much magic in what happens between feeling, thought, and the flowing of ink upon a page.


My granny, Lily Tamblyn


One of my earliest memories is sitting on my grandmother’s knee at her little black Underwood typewriter at age three and composing poetry with her. The picture below is of her actual typewriter – I still lug it around with me from move to move. Sometimes we typed out her favourite poems from Byron, Keats and Wordsworth. Once she even let me put my own name on the bottom for pretend, and then we began to type out words that were actually mine. My thoughts, my images, my art. I spoke them, and she typed. The shiny, manual keys were too stiff for my fat little fingers to strike.


Granny’s Underwood.

I remember when I was strong enough to use that typewriter myself. And the day that I received my first electric typewriter – I was a teenager writing short stories for school. In university I had my first fully electronic typewriter with built-in corrector ribbon, and I was amazed at the ease technology had brought to my life. I wrote my first play on this large, heavy machine, amidst rumours that soon, personal computers would become available, small enough to sit on a table in your own home. And then the turning point came; I wrote my first novel on a tiny, grey, rectangular Macintosh computer which I inherited from my father. When the implications of cut and paste hit me, I realized that in the last fifty years the very foundation of how writers create had been reinvented, and the old ways would never return.

By the time my marriage ended and I was facing each day on my own with three young children, I had no idea where my writing would take me. I had become a student of energy work, and entered deeply into the process of cleansing my energy body on a cellular level. I journaled and I read. I studied my dreams and recorded them like novelettes. Then the night arrived when words began to pour out onto the page while my mind was still asleep, and I wrote things that came from beyond conscious thought. Things I didn’t know, couldn’t know. Some call the process automatic writing, some call it channeling, some call it accessing the Akashic Records. It was the beginning of my expression of a part of myself that is most comfortable in communication with energies and beings beyond this physical plane. There was no question about whether or not what I was experiencing was real. I only wanted to understand what it was I felt, heard and saw. How to know the purpose and source of this stream of energy, information, emotions and images. How to go on living when nothing is the same.

That first transmission was called The Gathering. There were many more to come.

Wake Up

The other night my son invited me to watch a documentary with him called Wake Up. It is the story of Jonas Elrod, a young film-maker who literally wakes up one day to a new perceptual gift and begins to see energy forms from other dimensions. The film chronicles his journey of reckoning with this powerful change in his life as he visits teachers and experts in various fields to ask for their perspective on his experience. He draws upon a fascinating range of world views, from a psychiatrist who assesses him for schizophrenia, to Sufi Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee, medium and psychic researcher Umberto Di Grazia, Buddhist Joan Halifax, JZ Knight of Ramtha’s School of Enlightenment, and Chief of the Chehalis Tribe Mark Colson, where Jonas finally finds his own peace through a sweat lodge and vision quest in the rain.


Umberto Di Grazia & Jonas

There are many compelling moments in the film, and Jonas himself and his girlfriend Mara are both such honest and humble individuals that by the end I really wanted to have them both over for dinner.  Not only has Jonas not read the books nor attended the seminars, he initially came from a place of innocence and doubt, and had not been seeking a spiritual connection, so what we witness has a purity and genuine nature that is indisputable, as he wrestles with his fears. In a very moving scene we watch Jonas visit Ramtha’s School of Enlightenment, as a group of students wander around a large enclosure blindfolded, searching for their own drawings, which are randomly tucked under covers mounted on the fence. They are practicing making a connection energetically, and amazingly, a number of them succeed. Jonas however becomes lost, and  for him, the exercise becomes one of facing his own resistance.

In the film Jonas describes some of the entities that he sees as angels, and others as demonic. This is particularly interesting to me, as I have participated in many a debate about the existence and nature of dark energies on our planet and in other dimensions. But in a radio interview Jonas later clarifies this view by adding that he grew up steeped in a Christian paradigm, and as he has matured with his gift and becomes less fearful, what he sees becomes less dark. This is a profound revelation I believe, and a corroboration that no matter how we name the light and the shadow, our experience always comes down to the balance of love and fear in our own vibration.  This is a very complex subject that I will address in much more detail in future posts.

The film made it to Oprah, and during their chat, Jonas tells Oprah about her aura, and some energy forms behind one of the cameras. But what I love so much about all of this, what had me personally jumping up and down, was to witness someone else’s journey with an energetic awakening, examined with humility and finally integrated via his own personal “waking up.”

Gifts and Curses

What I have experienced in common with Jonas is a belly full of conflicted emotions about the gift I have been given. I also had not sought these experiences. I also feared that others would think I was crazy, and indeed some did. One of my family members to this day believes I am either disturbed or an intentional fraud. But far more challenging than the judgement of others was the realization that I could never go back to being who I was before this happened to me. I was a published novelist and playwright, but I could never write from the same cognitive place again. My plans to be Canada’s next Margaret Laurence would never come to pass, because my language of creation had changed utterly. And then there was the small question of why this had happened to me, and what I was meant to do with it. Quite beyond my subjective experience, what was the purpose of this ability, and how was I meant to serve?


An example of the early poems in my journal

In Wake Up, Jonas is asked by Sufi Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee, where do you want to take this experience within yourself? When Jonas says, I’m all about a spiritual growth and transformation, the reply he receives from the Sufi is, that’s a very nice saying, but what does it mean to you? Jonas is caught red handed in the act of leaping into a “spiritually correct” response, reaching to fill the shoes of expectation that go along with such gifts. I know that trap all too well.

For years I received my oracular poems for a widening group of friends and folks within my community who loved them. My world came to revolve around what I could give to others, how I could help them with questions they were unable to resolve by themselves. Those who were receptive and understood the transmissions could never seem to get enough, and some individuals have collections of 50, 100 or more. I received guidance for years without charging a fee. When I did begin to ask for payment, I wrestled deeply with the idea. I had jumped into an unconscious serving role without allowing my own process with the experience to be fully explored. At one point years ago I did a rough calculation about how many transmissions I had received since that first one, and gave up counting at about three thousand. If I look at where I am now, that’s a lot of chatting with the guides.


How Jonas sees the world


My abilities differ from Jonas’ in that I do not see energetic forms with my eyes. I mostly receive in a light trance state with closed eyes, and while I do see images, often very specific and varied, the bulk of what I sense is a flow of energetic information that I “listen” to, and translate as one would Morse Code. This listening is only occasionally auditory, and primarily energetic. With the information may come emotion, physical sensation, warm or cold, and the sense of being inside the heart and mind of an individual. In live spoken readings, many of the words that come almost speak themselves, and sometimes their meaning may not be fully clear to me until explained by the client, in relation to their life.


In many ways I was resistant to exploring the depth and purpose of my gift in my own heart, as I so reflexively hurried to give it away. Fourteen years later and I am entering a whole new stage of coming to know this aspect of myself. Any part of us that is sensitive, that opens in trust to realms that others may question or even deny is a shy Self, protected with good cause. And yet how can we invite a grounded, balanced service to others, until we know our own purpose and needs? It is the artist who paints to please herself whose work is most true, most inviting. It is the composer who pulls from her own wisdom and heartache who moves us the most with her song.

Thank you to Jonas and the wise ones who supported him upon his path. Thank you to all those who dare to come out with their differences, their eccentricities, their gifts and their curses. Thank you above all to the divine source of these awakenings, and the beings of love which surround us in our innocence and ignorance as we grow.

Do you have a connection to other dimensions or the etheric realm? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.

love, Adi

Wake Up official website